I’m BACK Tuesday, Jan 26 2010

Yeah, it’s been a while, but not too much has happened up until recently.  I finished off last semester overcome by finals, and then it was right into the holidays when I got home.  I went downn to NJ with my mom for New Year’s which was fun, but we ended up driving back New Year’s Day at 10 at nigh, so we didn’t arrive back home until 3AM or so.  Then I had a fairly uneventful 20th birthday (nothing new happens at 20).  The next week or two before classes started up could be summed up by one word: sleep.

Now, I’m back on campus, finally got my financials situated and was able to register for classes.  Only have one that I need to figure out how to get a permission number for.  My current project is to get all my books from friends and scan them into my comp…but there’s at least one or two that I need to buy.  So yeah that’s it, more posts to come as the semester gets rolling.

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The Night is Darkest Just Before the Dawn Saturday, Dec 5 2009

I had a friend, who, only recently, overcame this little issue of hers.  For the entirety of her dating years, she has had an aversion to being the one in the relationship to initiate a breakup, until now.  She was with a man who was mentally and emotionally abusive, which was reminiscent of her past.  The last time she dumped a guy was a few years back, and she needed to be extremely intoxicated and had the aid of her family.  This time,  she was able to overcome this aversion to breaking up, and dropped his ass like a hot iron (sober and on her own, no less).

What is it about feeling as though we are unable to make changes in our lives until it seems as if change is impossible?  We see the initial signs and hints that should set off the mental warning bells and allow us to get the hell out of unhealthy situations.  However, it is that little spark of hope that when the world says, “Give up,” it says, “Try one more time.”  That hope often sends us spiraling into a black hole of pain and misery, so why do we listen to it?

We listen to hope because, above all else, it is hope (however minuscule) that motivate us to never give up.  Sometimes, we find that by not giving up we are able to rise above and beyond any expectations we may have had and succeed against impossible odds.  That is what keeps us going, day in and day out.  It is why some people are unable to let go of a relationship.  It is why some people are unable to give up on getting their degree (despite their age).  It is why, whenever most of us hear a story about someone who survives immeasurable pain, we are in awe that they didn’t simply give up.  This hope of ours, it enables us to do impossible things, like go to the moon, fight off cancer, and strive to do other, equally, great things with our lives.  So, if you are reading this, my message to you is as follows: never give up on your hope that it will get better.  You never know, it may be that, like the sun rising in the morning, you need to go through your darkest hour before being able to shine through and rise above it all.

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Changes Monday, Nov 30 2009

Okay, now, there are some people who feel that if you love someone enough, then you should try and change those things about you that they don’t like.  Wrong, if it’s something that you can change easily (like washing your used dishes, or putting them in the dishwasher) then yes, by all means, change.  However, there are certain things, like a person’s personality, that should not even be considered by your significant other to be on a list of things for you to change.  If you choose to change certain aspects of your life, and it just so happens to be something your significant other deemed needed changing, then it is ultimately your choice.

I guess the whole point here, is to let everyone know that by changing who you are because someone else wants you to, you are sowing the seeds of discontent.  If it’s something you didn’t feel needed changing, but did anyway, then you will only resent the person who wanted the change in the first place.

Now, I feel an anecdote on the subject is in order:

Bob and Mary have just moved in together.  Along with deciding whose stuff to keep, they also come up with a few house rules that should make cohabitation more enjoyable for all.  One of those rules is no eating on the couch.  Mary was a little concerned because this meant no more snacks during the football game, but agreed because it made sense to keep the couch clean (no one likes a stained couch).  After a few weeks, Mary begins to eat on the couch without Bob knowing, all the while telling herself how ridiculous it was that he wanted her to not eat on the couch.  Then, one day, Mary happens to spill mustard on Bob’s nice white couch, and she is unable to get it out.  When Bob gets home, they end up having a huge fight over eating while sitting on the couch.  Now, on Bob’s end, it’s a couch that he paid good money for and didn’t want to see it ruined.  However, Mary likes to settle down for the weekly football games so that she doesn’t miss any of the action.  This didn’t seem like that big of an issue in the beginning, however what with both parties failing to properly communicate to the other their concerns over this common issue, Mary ends up getting kicked out and has to go live with her parents for a while.  Bob, on the other hand, can’t stand the mustard stain on his couch, and neither does his new boyfriend, Roger.

 

Moral of the story, communication is key when trying to be in a relationship together.  It helps both sides understand the other person’s point of view.  So, when the issue of a habit or personality trait comes between a couple, they really need to talk it out.  This will provide them with the insight to either: A) make the changes necessary, B) compromise on what both could do to make it less of an issue, or C) realize that they shouldn’t be together.

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Choosing This Life Wednesday, Nov 25 2009

I’ve very recently started practicing the belief that my consciousness (spirit) chose the life I’m in because of the hardships and experiences that I have gone through and will go through in the future.  The reason for this is so that I will go through these experiences and grow, spiritually, because of them.  When looking at life from this perspective, I am better able to deal with the seemingly unfair situations that arise from time to time.  This belief provides me with the strength to not give up, and go forth confidently, knowing that this life will not result in being pointless.  Growing and maturing is a continuous process; we should never stop having to relearn what we thought was truth due to new experiences.  So, the idea is to go out there and gain these experiences, and, while they may be hard at times, these experiences will result in wisdom.  If you don’t go out and experience life, then you’re going to be that boring grandparent who doesn’t have any interesting stories to tell the young-uns. And, no, it is not possible to teach someone one of your own life lessons that you gained through an individual-specific experience and have them understand it the way you do.  In order for them to fully grasp the concept, they need to experience it for themselves, painfully if necessary.  So, live life, you chose this one for a reason, don’t waste it.

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Lotus Touts Friday, Nov 20 2009

This was one of those chain emails, and it’s something we can all benefit from.  You see, the steps contained in the following list can be utilized by people from all walks of life, for these are the steps to happiness:

 

1. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
2. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
3. Don’t believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
4. When you say, ‘I love you,’ mean it.
5. When you say, ‘I’m sorry,’ look the person in the eye.
6. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
7. Believe in love at first sight.
8. Never laugh at anyone’s dreams. People who don’t have dreams don’t have much.
9. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it’s the only way to live life completely.
10. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name-calling.
11. Don’t judge people by their relatives.
12. Talk slowly but think quickly.
13. When someone asks you a question you don’t want to answer, smile and ask, ‘Why do you want to know?’
14. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
15. Say ‘bless you’ when you hear someone sneeze.
16. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.
17. Remember the three R’s: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.
18. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
19. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
20. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
21. Spend some time alone.

Yup, that’s it, there’s nothing more to this post.

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Dreaming Away The Weekend Sunday, Nov 15 2009

So, it’s been extremely weird how vivid my dreams have been lately.  Now, as  I was waking up yesterday morning (Saturday), I recalled that I had dreamt about having gotten back together with She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.  That scared the shit out of me, because it wasn’t like a good dream where the dream her looked like her but acted the way she always said she would change into.  No, this dream she was above and beyond what I normally put up with, so I woke up and was afraid to try and go back to sleep.  I usually like sleep.

Today, my dream consisted of living in a house that was right next door to a HUGE Walmart, in which we had secret underground tunnels right into Walmart.  The Walmart gets bombed somehow, and I’m sitting there trying to get the others in the house to go loot it with me, including a seemingly made-up new girlfriend who closely resembled the girl from Transformers (I forget her name, Megan Fox or something).  Apparently, my subconscious must now be totally untrustworthy of the female gender because the dream girlfriend started hooking up with someone else while i was in the room, and then afterwards (as I’m shouting about how ridiculous it is) gives one of the most half-assed breakup speeches ever created.  I left the house, only to realize I forgot to go loot the Walmart, and now had to attempt to ninja my way back in, which I think I did, because after that I had a small arsenal (I got prepared for war, someone just attacked a Walmart).  My dream then consisted of tracking down this train in order to steal an important shipment of ammunition.  I woke up after I found it.

Now, I was discussing these dreams with Steve (my roommate) and he brought up an interesting point: you can’t control your dreams or else you become too conscious and will wake up.  Don’t worry folks, he came up with the solution, so all you people who have ever wanted to be in a better position to control your dreams, listen up.  So, Steve said that all you need to do is get into a coma.  He’s heard that, while in a coma, a person is often conscious enough to hear the people around them, but they also have dreams.  That is now definitely one of my goals in life, to fall into a coma.

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Ranting and Raving: Douche Bags Defined Tuesday, Nov 10 2009

What makes someone a douche bag?  The answer is quite simple: a douche bag is someone who is extremely set in their ways, to the point where they claim that they are never wrong.  These are also the people that feel as if they are above everyone else due to their own personal values.  Topics of discussion where a douche bag will reveal their douche-baggery (term courtesy of my cousin Max) include politics, religion, philosophy, relationships, or basically any subject where opinions are often supported by personal experiences and not necessarily fact.

One topic of discussion that I feel has been taken over by douche bags is philosophy.  Now, I’m not saying that all philosophers are douche bags (although many claims or vocalizations by philosophic people fall under the category of holding douche baggish qualities), there are those people who, specifically, view the focusing on deeper meanings and deep thought in general as being a waste of time.  The majority of these people hold to their facts about life, and their focus is often on their material well-being.  These are the people who view schooling as simply a step to a quality job, or those who are entrenched in video game politics.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I enjoy sitting in front of the tv blowing up aliens as much as the next person, but there are those who are WAY too into video games.  One could find similar people full of their own knowledge of the various ways of wasting time on the internet.  Regardless of where douche bags are found, they all tend to focus on their own worldly interests, avoiding the idea that there is a need for a deeper understanding of our surroundings.

Ironically, in this post, I come off as a douche bag who is set in my own ways and full of judgment of those people who do not take the time to ponder the many aspects of life.  However, I am not one of those people who are set in my ways, telling everyone else they are wrong without listening to their argument and having facts to prove them wrong.  I am open to changing my ideals if something comes up that makes greater sense.  Douche bags are completely set in their ways and should be avoided at all costs!

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Reality Behind the Mask Monday, Nov 9 2009

When you’re with someone, like in a relationship with them, you tend to try and hide those aspects of you that you think they won’t like.  This is human nature.  However when the stuff that you try to hide is the majority of who you are, then you’re just lying to that other person.  Being on the other end of this, having someone lying about who they really are, I know first-hand the feeling of deception that arises once this is found out.  It sucks.  You think you know someone pretty well, in fact most would assume that after a year and a half, you would, but then you are no longer with that person and shit starts coming in.  You hear about what they do and how they act, and it rocks your whole perception of them.  You start to realize that you had feelings for a person who never even existed, and it tears through your heart like a hot katana through butter.  Those feelings you had were real, but for a person who didn’t deserve them.  While in that relationship, another situation arises; as you get hints of the real person behind the mask, you blow over them, pretend they never existed.  You start to fill in the gap and make allowances until you have this seemingly perfect person built up in your head.  When this gets cut to pieces, your whole world seems to fall apart, and it plants the seeds of insecurity for future relationships.  You wonder if the next person you find and start to care about is being totally honest to you about who they are, and you get scared about even trying to make an actual connection…

What we all wish would happen is that a person would be open and truthful about who they are.  While they often will hold off on allowing you completely into their lives, you hope that you can get to the point where the both of you are comfortable enough to show each other those parts of you that you hide from the world.  This action of fully opening up is what breeds love and trust in a relationship.  A saying to live by in this instance is this: you like someone for all their good qualities, but you love them for their flaws. While this may seem counter-intuitive, it’s the truth.  When you begin to love someone, you begin to be able to show them that which you hide from the rest of the world, generally: your flaws.  If they truly love you as well, then they will accept you for all of who you are and love you more for being able to share yourself.  This is the dream, to find someone who won’t reject you as you show them your innermost being, but instead will accept  you and love you all the more for it.  Find the person who will do that, and you have the holy grail in your hands and need to fight to keep it there no matter what.

The lesson here is to follow certain steps as previously outlined (Relationships 101 and Trust 102) in order to build up a loving and honest relationship: communication and trust.

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Still Awake From Yet Another All-Nighter Thursday, Nov 5 2009

Yet again, I find myself awake at this ungodly hour of 630AM.  Why, do you ask?  Well, the explanation is fairly simple; Felicia needed help on her calc homework.  And I, being the way I am, cannot stop once I get neck deep into some good calculus problems.  However, it appears as though I have retained little more than vague ideas from my last semester of calc, as it takes me almost as long as her to figure shit out.  To be honest, the only way we got through the last problem was an online derivative calculator (it was a godsend! Google it bitch).  My efforts have not gone unrewarded as it so happens; I was treated to a McDonald’s coffee (any size only $1!!!) and some….supplies

Well, here I am now, bored as all get-out, but I know that if I head up to my room, then I will inevitably decide that it’s a good idea to relax on my bed listening to music…and sleep through some classes.  I’m not going to do that.  Instead, I’m going to inform you all of this new genre of music that has taken my eardrums by storm (this is weird, I’m blogging about my music tastes…I feel like a douche-bag).

I was watching this movie, it’s called Wristcutters: A Love Story, and among the intriguing story line and witty lines, there arises this musical group that plays quite a bit throughout the film.  It’s reminiscent of Mother Russia, but with a rock feel thrown in there.  So, I set out upon an online adventure in order to find this movie’s soundtrack, with the ulterior motive for finding out the name of the band that plays such music.  I just so happen to be internet-savvy enough to reach such information, and this band is named Gogol Bordello.  From here, I learned that they are part of a musical genre that they influenced in it’s naming: Gypsy Punk.  Gypsy Punk is all about taking old-style Eastern European (mostly Slavic) instruments and sounds and combining them with rock.  It’s similar to ska in that it includes instruments other than the guitar/bass/drums set-up that rock seems to have made obscenely common.  Anywho, check them out, also this group called Kultur Shock and Balkan Beat Box are pretty good.

Well, that’s all for now, off to Facebook and it’s stalkerish activities.

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As Promised: Trust 102 Tuesday, Nov 3 2009

Trust, what does it really mean?  I feel as though a good many people think it means that you can be comfortable in not being around your loved one when they venture out into the world with you.  That’s NOT what trust is, at least, not in the beginning.  In order to build up to that point where you can be comfortable with your loved one going out without, you first must be UNcomfortable with what they do without you.  Although the discomfort is there, you need to take it upon yourself to deal with that discomfort while your significant other heads off into, what would be for you, and uncomfortable situation.

See, it’s like this: if your girlfriend decides she wants to go out with her friends and have a good time, and many of her friends happen to be dudes who probably only want to get in her pants, you need to just let her go and have fun.  However, trust is a two-way street, and, as I said before, based on communication.  In this respect, when your girlfriend goes out with her friends, she needs to first know that it makes you uncomfortable and second communicate with you about how it went.  This communication between the two of you, if done correctly (see: Relationships 101), will lead to the erosion of your discomfort and a greater trust between you and our girlfriend.  In a reversed situation, the same thing needs to be done.  Eventually, the trust will grow until you are completely comfortable with each other being in situations alone.

Note: there was no intention of gender favoritism in the previous example, I just happen to be a guy, and it was the natural way for me to think about it.

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